What helps with stress? Try kissing for longer

Stress is one of the widespread diseases of our time. How could it not be? Everyday life is full of stress triggers, from the first shrill beeps of your alarm clock or mobile phone to the demoralising evening news.

The demands of everyday life stress you out. The comforting yet worrying news is that you’re not alone. According to the Swiss Job Stress Index 2022 (website in German), 30 per cent of workers suffer from emotional exhaustion and stress. They report significantly more stress than available resources in everyday working life.

The global figures are even more alarming, as a survey by the World Economic Forum shows: 43 per cent of respondents from 100 countries report regular and ongoing stress in the Global Workplace 2021 Report – and it’s an upward trend. This is reason enough to look into the feeling that isn’t only bothering people in Switzerland, but around the world.

It’s good that there are guides such as «Stress» (in German) by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. They explain what’s behind stress and how to deal with stressful situations more successfully.

Fight or flight: what’s behind the feeling of stress?

Stress in the 21st century is an exciting thing: the triggers of stress (the «stressors») are no longer (acutely) life-threatening (e.g. a sabre-toothed tiger is chasing you), but the chemical stress reactions in your brain suggest they are. In other words, your body doesn’t differentiate between your tax return and a predator attack. Either way, your brain is screaming at you to take action: fight – or flee. Stress is one of the body’s survival tactics. Today, stressors can include a task at work, a difficult family situation or a negative body image. We call the resulting neurological and physical reaction stress.

Stress: what’s happening in your body?

So, if you’re confronted with a stressor, a cocktail of adrenaline, cortisol and endorphin hormones shoots into your blood and provokes a complex physical reaction: your heart beats faster, your blood pressure rises, your muscles are well supplied with blood and tensed, your senses are sharpened and your perception of pain is dulled.

At the same time, other bodily functions that you don’t need immediately to survive the danger recede into the background: digestion slows down and immune and sexual function changes, as a study in the Excli Journal confirms. Maybe you know the feeling of losing your appetite when stress gets too much.

In today’s times, stressors no longer threaten your life.

But stress is definitely a threat to your health – as soon as it becomes chronic. Authors Emily and Amelia Nagoski sum up this absurdity in their book. They write: «In the modern, post-industrial Western world, stress kills you faster than the stressor.»

Depression and diabetes: the consequences of chronic stress

In the past, eliminating the stressor largely calmed the stress. Stress also often went away if the escape was successful or the attacker was defeated. What about today? You can’t just get up and run away at work or attack your busy colleague. «Fight or flight» is no longer appropriate stress management in the 21st century.

According to the Nagoswkis, we get stuck in the stress cycle because we’re stuck in stressful situations. If this lasts too long, i.e. if we don’t find a way to deal with the stress and a way out of the stressful situation, the consequences can be damaging to our health.

For example, a research team was able to show in a study that chronic stress changes the prefrontal cortex and the limbic system. Experiments involving animals have shown that these areas of the brain reduce in volume during prolonged stress. And, according to researchers, this change in brain structure could also be the trigger for illnesses such as depression. The author of a review article in the journal Future Science comes to similar conclusions and adds: «The effects of these brain changes can potentially spread to other areas and lead to cognitive, emotional and behavioural dysfunction typically associated with chronic stress.»

She also explains that chronic stress can lead to a weakened immune system with permanently elevated levels of inflammation. This is associated with conditions such as cancer, diabetes, autoimmune diseases or diseases of the cardiovascular system.

5 exercises for everyday life: how to break out of the stress cycle

You won’t be able to avoid getting into stressful situations again and again, but your stress reaction is often not really appropriate. So, it’s important that you find a way out of the stress reaction so that you can return to a relaxed state. Authors Emily and Amelia Nagoski have identified five powerful ways to successfully manage stress.

1. Sport helps with stress

Exercising is good for the body and mental health. That’s well established. When it comes to stress, physical exercise isn’t just one method; it’s the most effective way to combat stress. 20 to 60 minutes of physical activity a day is enough to lower your stress level for several hours.

Exercise has been shown to reduce stress hormone cortisol and cause the brain to release happiness hormones dopamine and serotonin, as shown by another study. Last but not least, exercise helps you to breathe deeply – and that brings me to the next point.

2. Take a deep breath

Famously, you can breathe without sport. So, when you’re stressed, it’s advisable to take deep breaths in and out with a pause between breaths. This allows you to downregulate your stress response, reduce the cortisol in your blood and send your body calm, secure signals.

Here’s a simple exercise: inhale while counting to five. Hold your breath and count to five again. Then exhale and count to ten. Repeat the exercise as many times as needed to lower your heart rate and feel the relaxation.

Deep breathing is also recommended by the World Health Organization to combat stress. You can find more effective breathing exercises in its stress manual and in this Galaxus article).

3. Maintain positive social contact

In order to break the stress cycle, the authors recommend pleasant, familiar and positive social interaction. This is also shown in a study by Sandstrom and Dunn from the University of Sussex and the University of British Columbia. They concluded that people with a larger social circle are happier. A cup of tea with good friends, a phone call or a walk with your favourite relatives will help to lower your stress level. The WHO writes in its handbook: «When we engage in life, pay attention to others […] we manage stress much better.»

4. The six-second stress-relieving kiss

Hugs from your partner or a very good friend can also help to reduce stress hormone cortisol. This is shown by a current study in the specialist magazine Plos One. The effect is due to the release of the «cuddle hormone» oxytocin, which plays an important role in partner choice and parent-child bonding. A 20-second hug can have the desired effect.

Relationship researcher John Gottman also recommends the «six-second kiss» as an affection exercise: kiss your partner or a person you like very much for six seconds. You’ll find that your stress levels will drop and you’ll regain a comfortable equilibrium with the world. If needed, you can of course repeat the exercise as often as you want (with the consent of the other person, of course).

5. Creativity

If you don’t like doing sport, don’t have someone willing to kiss for six seconds and don’t really have the nerve for office gossip with colleagues, you might find creative expression a suitable stress management tool. A study shows how creativity can lead to more energy, zeal and enthusiasm. And being creative, making music or drawing something reduces stress hormones. A study measured significant reduction in cortisol levels in 75 per cent of subjects after 45 minutes of creative activity.

Again, it’s not about avoiding stress entirely. Rather, the healthiest thing is to learn ways out of the stress cycle and how to deal with stress appropriately. Then you not only reduce stress, but also build resilience and resistance to stressful situations.